twelve ☼ video

[deshabille]

Former, current, or, in fact, future members of the Tenth Foot, this is your corporal speaking.

[Yes, even if you are from the future or the past, she is still your corporal.]

[A significant pause. Then:]

Stand up straight. You're embarrassing me.

[That will be all u_u]

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[kissthatgoodbye]

What about the rest of us?

[deshabille]

You'll all embarrass me anyway.

[kissthatgoodbye]

Oh come on, now, you haven't even met all of us.

[deshabille]

I've met enough to generalize rampantly.

[kissthatgoodbye]

What if I promise to stop slouching?

[He's actually totally slouching.]

[deshabille]

If I believed your promises even a little, that might be enough to get me to stop generalizing.

[kissthatgoodbye]

Touche. Good thing I really don't care about your approval.

[deshabille]

Good thing I don't care about your not caring.

[She likes you. You have weird knives sticking out all over you under the grin. That is her favorite kind of person.]

[kissthatgoodbye]

[He likes you too. You speak-a his lannnnnguage.]

As long as we're on the same page.

So what is the Tenth Foot?

[deshabille]

My regiment. Tenth Infantry. We are temporarily in different universes, so, you know. Every opportunity to check in must be taken.

In case they're burning down the country. [Not that there's much to burn, it's kind of a damp place.]

[kissthatgoodbye]

But the real question is are they supposed to be burning down the country?

[In his experience with the military, one can never be absolutely certain of this.]

[deshabille]

No.

[A very firm no. The kind of no that means she will yell their ears off if they are. That country ought to be standing, or else.]

[kissthatgoodbye]

Well.

Sounds like a boring war.

[deshabille]

Best kind of war, in my experience.

[May you live in interesting times, and so on.]

[notalyingman]

In the first place, Corporal, I'm retired and I'll slouch if I bloody well like. In the second place I still outrank you and guess what comes next, corporal?

[deshabille]

[Ah.]

[Ahh.]

[SHE'S REALLY HAPPY there is literally no way to tell.]

I absolutely cannot guess, sir. You'll have to enlighten me.

[notalyingman]

Say it with me: I WILL SLOUCH IF I BLOODY WELL LIKE.

I am not, at this present time, slouching. As it happens. Report.

[deshabille]

"I will slouch if I bloody well like." Yes, sarge. I will get to slouching on the double.

On a great damn spaceship, sir, is the thesis statement of this report.

[notalyingman]

[A what.]

Not being an educated man like what you are, Corporal, I've got no bloody idea what you mean by damn great spaceship.

[He's entirely unworried by this.]

You've clearly got it well in hand. Permission to carry on slouching.

[So proud srsly.]

[deshabille]

[Omg. This is the best permission she's ever received. She is super not slouching at all after this.]

Sir. Understood. I will slouch as required and appropriate in any particular . . . spaceshippy circumstance.

[And then, somewhat under her breath:]

It's a ship. In space. Just for the, you know. Record.

[slightlyknurd]

Evening, Corporal.

Having trouble with the new recruits? Bunch of spoiled cabbages with brains to match?

[deshabille]

Don't flatter them, Your Grace, they might hear you.

[slightlyknurd]

Enough with the Your Graces. I didn't phone in half across the bloody Disc to be called Your Grace by a woman in uniform. You're Corporal, I'm Commander. Got that?

It wasn't flattering. It was....observing with malice.

[deshabille]

More than half across the bloody Disc, actually, Commander.

Oh, well, it was very skillful. Feel free to go on, I'm learning a lot.

[slightlyknurd]

Don't try to confuse me with your jography. If anything's more than half the bloody Disc away, then I don't want to know about it. Problems on the Disc I can manage. Anything else is a wizard's job.

Yes, I suspect you are. Which one's your home country again? Borogravia, or the other one? The damned things always get mixed in my head.

[deshabille]

[With such mildness.] It's not my jography, sir. I think it's just general jography. And it was Borogravia. You've committed some kind of cardinal sin mixing them up, but I'll save my vengeance for another never.

[slightlyknurd]

You do that. Now what's this I hear about some great tonking ship in the middle of the sky what goes around kidnapping people? That's war crimes.

[deshabille]

We're roughly sure it's some sort of god doing the actual kidnapping.

[Roughly-sort-of-ish-with-no-way-to-confirm.]

[slightlyknurd]

Mmn. Makes it more difficult.

What've you done to try and stop it?

[deshabille]

Resistance is in the preliminary stages thus far, sir.

[By which she means she has literally no idea how to find the Admiral and punch him in the face. How do :(]

[slightlyknurd]

That's fine. So long as you don't go do anything stupid.

...And if you go do something stupid, at least follow it all the way through to its logical stupid conclusion.

[hagothehills]

My posture is fine, thank you.

[deshabille]

Could always be better.

[hagothehills]

While I am normally a proponent of 'anything can be improved upon', I do not believe this is entirely correct here.

You're a long way from home, Corporal.

[deshabille]

You'll have to teach good posture to the lads, then. They're perpetually hopeless.

So I am. What about it?

[allthatmatters]

[Kate's smirk is remarkable good-natured for someone whose perception of reality has just turned sideways. You get used to it.]

You sound like my lieutenant. [There's no missing the wistfulness to her tone.]

[deshabille]

I'm going to assume that's a compliment [because of how great she is and stuff] and ask you to tell me more about your lieutenant [who is equally as great and therefore worth knowing].

[allthatmatters]

[Her smirk deepens. Arrogance looks good on you, Mal.] Real hardass, but a fair one. Kicked our asses when we needed it, held our hands if we needed that.

Which I didn't, but the thought was nice. [Not entirely true; she did need it, when she lost her father, but she pushed it away. She regrets that, sometimes.]

[deshabille]

I've never held any lad's hand. [She finds herself hilarious. But really, metaphorically speaking, this is how she corporals.]

In that case, thank you very much. I strive for excellence in all things.

Most things.

Who are you again?

[allthatmatters]

[Detective Lockley is on her tongue, for the first time in years.] Kate Lockley, private detective. You, Corporal?

[deshabille]

Corporal, obviously. Maladict. Or Mal. It's usually easier, although it's not quite as dramatic.

It would be more interesting to have met in person, Detective, but I'd still hazard that it's a pleasure.

[allthatmatters]

Isn't it always? But thank you. [Her smile is relaxed; it's so much easier, nowadays, to just talk to people. Even if they're on a cosmic prison ship.]

Any of your people check in?

[deshabille]

Some. [A pause, and then, in a somewhat confessional manner,] Wasn't really expecting it. [It's a relief, and it shows.]

[allthatmatters]

Glad they surprised you. [There's sadness, in her voice, but not too much; she has new people, now.]

[ukan]

[That's...strangely touching, Mal.]

Any luck?

[deshabille]

[She can be touching if she wants to be. You don't know her life!!]

Some. Old acquaintances, at least. I'm sure the lads are all off touching themselves or reconnoitering enemy camps or both.