deshabille | nineteen ☼ voice

nineteen ☼ voice

Ins-and-Outs, if you happen to be in or out anywhere, feel free to report. I imagine many terrible things are happening, and I'd love to have my day ruined by them.

Enterprising extraDiscworlders, feel free to entertain me before breakfast. I have a whole hour.

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Fancy seeing you here, Mr. Lipwig.

I'm sorry, I'm afraid you must have me confused with someone else.

No trouble, I get it all the time. But I am not this Mr. Liphat.

I've always got an eye out for the man in the golden suit, Mr. Lipwig. Orders, I'm afraid.

Golden suit? Sounds terribly garish. I'm afraid gold isn't my color.

[Lie. Lie forever]

Really? You seem awfully keen on it to me. [Vetinari's not the only one who can get sarcastic, Moist.]

Not keen at all, I'm afraid. Terribly unkeen. So you see, it couldn't have been me. Whoever you think I am.

Right. I'll just note in my report that I didn't see you not chatting business with a Borogravian national, shall I?

Using double negatives is cheating. I hope you realize this.

I'm the Watch, Mr. Lipwig. We don't cheat.

...Nobby doesn't count.

That monkey that follows you around? That's a person?

Legally, at least. He does have papers.

Forged? Has to be forged. I would know.

Look - ehh - whatever your name is, we are clearly outside the ordinances of Ankh-Morpork law, so I should like to be getting on with my business without interference from the Watch. Yes? All set, then?

Captain Angua von Uberwald. [She narrows her eyes suspiciously.] You really don't recognize me?

I...may have..in passing.

But see, I've never had any reason to be in trouble with the Watch, so really I don't understand why you think I would know you.

I'm a legitimate businessman.

(no subject)

scentbombed - 2014-08-20 13:19 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

hopeisanewspoon - 2014-08-20 13:22 (UTC) - Expand

Oh, you know this person?

[hi angua you dont remember me but i think ur gr8]

Know of, at least.

Did you say you're from the In-and-Outs?

In what context?

I did.

In the context of being a fine, upstanding citizen of Ankh-Morpork, of course.

[Mal seems smart, if, well, distinctly vampire-ish. Angua assumes she will interpret that as intended.]

Ah. A fine embodiment of the city's finest characteristics.

[She's learned some stuff about those, okay.]

Precisely.

I take it you're a member of the, er, most recent troop? I was in Borogravia for that... [Total cock-up.] ...incident. You're--

Oh. [The light dawns.]

Mm. Yes. Oh.

I remember you.

Likewise. I just remember you looking a bit different, is all.

. . . It was a bad day.

[Shut up.]

[Yes, she wants to say; I crossdress on my bad days, too.

Okay, to be fair, she sort of does. She lets it go with a shrug.]

Yes, well. As you were... Corporal?

[She meant more the aggressively obvious bloodthirst, but yes. There's that too. Either way: shut up.]

Thank you, sir.

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